Behind the curtain

curtain

Go ahead and peek, but I want to show you what’s behind this curtain………

“The body achieves what the mind believes”

I could remember from preschool all the way to my junior year of college I was always getting into trouble. I was always doing something or saying something wrong that would get me sent to the principal office. It’s crazy when I looked back at the situation I say to myself that most of the things that I got in trouble for others were the cause of. This is partially true, because I was a very quiet kid in school. I didn’t like to bother people nor did I want people to bother me. I had a sort of mystique to my character. No one knew who I were? Or what I was about? Because of this I would be picked on alot in school. Man from the clothes that I wore, to my hair cut, to the way I talked, to the way I walked. I would find myself fighting everyday just to have some peace at mind. I was the, “can’t we all just get along kid.” Yup, hahaha that was me. However, the environment around me would dictate otherwise.

It seemed as if I couldn’t catch a break. From day one in school everyone wants to know who is Keyshaun? That would be the question. I wouldn’t really say much because that wasn’t my focus, I was trying to figure out how to survive, grow, cultivate and maximize my full potential as a human before taking my last breath. When other people caught wind of this, they wouldn’t like it. They precieved me to be this standoffish person that kept to himself. They didn’t like being kept out, so I would feel them knocking to be let in. I couldn’t catch a break if my cousins weren’t taunting me, the kids at school were and dare I say the teachers would get opportunities to pick. Now I know lots of kids say to their parents or gaurdians that they are being picked on by the teacher. But I’m not lying, I was picked on alot by the teachers. For example, my fourth grade teacher had me to take a note home that stated your son is being disruptive in school. We need to have a parent teacher conference. My parents asked me, “what did you do.” With tears in my eyes, and confusion brewing in my head I said, “I didn’t do anything. Please believe me.” My parents would go up to the school to hear lies of how I didn’t do my homework and I was not turning in my class work. My dad had to step in and say, “well that’s strange because I stay up with my son until 10pm helping him with every piece of homework. Also, If Keyshaun wasn’t doing well. Then why is my son on the honor roll. Aren’t you giving these grades to him?” I could remember my mom chiming in saying, “what’s the real reason you had us to take off of work missing money to come to our son’s school?” My teacher would have a puzzled look to her face. My dad dismissed me from the class and said go to the cafeteria and have breakfast. I wanted to stay. I needed some answers quick, fast and now. I would return home and my parents asked me to sit down. So, they told me that my teacher said that I was too quiet at school and she wanted to know what was I like at home. As a kid certain things like this kinda fly over your head. It’s hard for a child to wrap his/her mind around that the good behavior that he/she is doing is being percieved by others as odd and abnormal. But, this was just the beginning. Through out school I would be continuously picked with and called names. Also, I would hear people who called themselves my friends, homies and buddies signify on me and make some outlandish presumptions of who I truly am as a person. This was deliberately called dumb and weird because they didn’t know me. And part of that is because I observed people. I watched people from a far so I knew who to associate myself with and who I should avoid at all cost.

Due to my environment dictating my circumstance and everywhere I went to school was the same outcome. I began to believe these things. I had no choice, this was a repeative cycle that did not stop. I began to act out of character. I had a breaking point and said to the very ones that picked with me. This is what you want, you want to know who I really am. Here it is. From doing this someone planted a seed within me of if you were to give people what they want they would leave you along. So, I acted out on this idea and boy was that wrong. I would be left alone physically and verbally no one would say stuff to my face. But mentally, no I was still tormented. But I noticed from all of this I would blame others for my short comings. I would say, “maybe if I was not dealt a crappy hand in life I wouldn’t have turned out this way.” I had trouble with accountability. I would walk around accepting defeat. I would tell myself, “well this is what I got so I might as well just submit to it.” I would walk around expecting it everyday. I would look for it. If I had a day where no hell occurred I would say to myself, “this is not normal.”

I drove back home over spring break and I sat at the table talking to my mom. I said out my mouth that I’m always being picked on by my classmates and teachers. No one wants to give me a chance or help me. People just love to mess with me. This garbage has even spreaded to jobs. My thing to say when ending conversations that I felt had no conclusion who be “it is, what it is.”

My mom hit me with some knowledge. She put the iron down and said okay, I hear you. Now you are right from the time you set foot in school you have been singled out and picked on by both classmates and teachers. This has been going on ever since Pre-K to now your junior year of college.

She said the enemy has planted seeds of deception and lies in your life and convinced you of them to be truths. My son, you are blinded to something. He is not causing harm to you anymore. If you were to open your eyes and take a step back and realize your surroundings you will see that no one is bothering you anymore. You are the one walking around expecting, looking, and premeditating this. You have become you own worse enemy. The enemy is sitting back laughing saying now I planted this, yeah I even sent people to convince you that my lies and deception are truths. You, but you are continuing it for me. My told me to go and pray to the heavenly father and start renouncing those tricks, deceptions and lies from the enemy that I accepted. And what watch how after today the rest of my school career and life will never be hellish anymore.

My mom and pops are always 💯 with me. She was 100% right. People especially the Young folks always respect your elders. Remember they used to be young at one point in their life as well. Or for better terms “old fools, used to be young fools too.” Think about it.

The moral to this story is that yes we all have been picked on, lied on, talked about, tricked, decieved, hoodwink, and bamboozled. It almost seems as if we were born into this world with a stamp on our forehead that says pick on me, hurt me, use me and abuse me. But people, the enemy, oh that sneaky serpent. He knows how to play pyschological games with all of us. It’s a mental warfare and even the best of the best is not exempt. We all are in this together. We all are under attack mentally.

The enemy will plant seeds of deception in your life and will send people to convince you that his deception and lies are truths. You will accept them because you will see a repeative cycle of negativity play out. This is used as a way to convert you, get you to buy into the lies and lose accountability. You will believe that it’s others fault and you were dealt a bad hand. But all while this is going on you never once realized that he put the watering pot in your hands and you are watering your own distruction.

So to sign off, ” it is, what it is.” Naw I’m just kidding. But seriously, if you change your mind, you can change your reality. Your Environment Does Not Dictate Your OUTCOME. YOU DICTATE IT. Now I want all of us to do as my mom encouraged and challenged me to do take back what the enemy stole from you and what we not knowingly handed over. You could have been robbed of anything, and I would like to say don’t beat yourself up. It’s okay, I’m still struggling with this myself time from time. But, I do know this, we can’t quiet now because if we do the enemy wins. I know, that you know, that we all know, that we can’t let that happen and we won’t let that happen. So forgive yourself and those around you. Let’s let go of the past and push forward to our next level in life. Because I’m going to tell you something, the enemy is scared of you operating in and knowing what the most high, Yahuah (God) has placed down on the inside of you.

“Scratch a lie, find a thief”

For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds

Jeremiah 30:17

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Hunger for knowledge, thrist for understanding

 

Fisher Of Men

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